Indian American Love Child

So I haven't been writing as much as I would like as of late. And trust me I have a lot to write about. Things are starting to get really tough. Class and coursework is starting to increasingly tougher, factor in being a bit homesick and the added stress of having to do well on the mini 2... well you can just say it gets hard trying to stay positive. Something i noticed during my short time here is how much the place you come from has an influence on you. I never knew our geographic background influenced our behavior so much. I have met so many people from around the country here, and honestly some of them seem to be from a different planet for me. For example, I have met many people from California here and i find relating to them difficult sometimes. The way they handles things, the music they listen to, their demeanor, there local culture all seem so foreign to me. I yearn for the familiarity and comfort that comes from a place you have known your whole life. I wonder if I am be

Today i am really homesick... more than i have ever been since i ever came to Miami. I cried for the first time after leaving Jersey. School has been keeping so busy that i don't even have time to miss home like i normally would. the highlights of my first month in Miami include: -Dinner and dancing at Martini bar. first time spent with my new friends. had a really nice relaxing night. -biochem/physio/immuno quizzes suck the very life out of me -late nights studying and early mornings make for a very tired nandita -a merp bday gone wrong. stretch hummer limo. miami. sleep. -dinner at bubba gump. mansion afterwards. =) -Indian food in coral gables last night.... felt so good after so long -trying to eat healthy, but i find myself straying in times of stress -miss my friends, never able to appreciate there greatness till i was away from them... good friends are more valuable than gold. -i miss my car... it would make life alot easier. -apartment is a task... cooking, cleaning, laundr

Greetings from the Sunshine State! Let me start off saying that Florida is most definitely correctly named the 'Sunshine State'. The weather here is beautiful, sunny, and deliciously hot! Though I must first impression was not thus so, let me start at the beginning. Last Friday: My friends planned this all day Nanny day going way thing... It was an amazing day!! Parul, swam, and I grabbed dinner at T.G.I.Fridays and had blast catching up and laughing up a storm. It totally reminded me of our Boston getaway and all the fun times! The fun continued to my house where we began to get ready. Maria and Veer came to my place and we left to go to lana lounge in hoboken. There I had a blast with Maria, roshani, veer, elise, rupesh, parul, monika, nick, swam, viral, nikita, meetal, and div! The night was amazing, the music at lana lounge was great, and I overall had a blast! The only glitch in the night was that my camera got stolen/lost. It was an unlucky camera night but besides that m

It looks like a tornado hit my room. Everything is everywhere. I still have a bunch of stuff to pack, and no motivation to pack it. The bags under my eyes are beckoning me to my bed. My pillows mock me with their sprawl. The rain lulls me into a further comatose state of indifference. Overall, I just don't know what to make of today. My last day in jersey, and i have no emotion. Not sad, not happy, not excited, not apprehensive. Seriously if I was a color I would be white. I just don't think it has hit me, and it probably won't until I land in Miami tomorrow. Tonight I say goodbye to some close friends, and tomorrow morning my mom and my sister. But i just don't see it coming? Anyways let me get some crap done... P.s. i am positive i am forgetting stuff to take down there. Kudos to my lack of planning. P.s.s I am missing the family vacay which totally bites! everyone is going to be there this time around!!!!!!! FML!

Music is medicine. Medicine for the soul. Our bodies are physical, tangible objects we can see and observe. Physical harm inflicted upon us can be readily seen and observed. But what about our mind? What about our soul? How can we assess the damage when those scars and wounds are so delicately hidden? How can we heal something so aptly concealed from our self? We can seek solace in family, friends, and loved ones. We can mask the damage with drugs. Numb the pain with indifference. Who hasn't tried one of these methods or more? I know i have. But I have finally found my drug of choice... music. Eternal, mesmerizing, beautiful music. Whatever my trouble may be, there is something to be said for music. My first experience with the power of music was at the age of thirteen. My uncle had passed away, and i was quite shattered. It was my first experience with death, and I did not know how to cope. During the wake, there were devotional songs playing in the background. Something within m

I am so sleepy! The family and I were up till 2am yesterday making basundi for Sunday's lunch. The stuff is complicated, boiling all that milk and making sure it doesn't stick is tricky! But alas my mom said it turned out well so I guess it was worth it. But now i am pretty tired at work. Two nights of sleeping at 2/3 am takes a toll. Maybe that's why i am not super psyched that i am going to see KARSH KALE tonight! I just think i am in a sleep coma of sorts! i need to wake up! But anyways tonight should be great... I love Karsh Kale's music. It takes me to some exotic, peaceful, beautiful land found only in the movies and dreams. I love how is music is a compilation of so many cultures, styles, and sounds. He is eclectic and versatile, and full of surprises. I hope he does some of his work with vocals because those songs are my favorite! I am interested to see what he will do tonight! Apart from that i am in quandary about to wear...i have so many clothes, some i

Last night I went to watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I was not impressed at all, actually i was really disappointed. I realize the books are long and detailed filled and that directors have to be selective with what they include and what they leave out, but seriously the director failed miserably. 1. first off Dumbledore is so poorly cast its disgusting. The one in the movie is too stern, rude, abrasive to be dumbledore. Dumbledore would never hint at HP's relationship with Hermione! He would never suggest that he should let 'slughorn collect him'! wtf that was not in the book, it wasn't even remotely suggested. Dumbledore would never demean Harry in that manner. To make matters worse, this movie was one movie where the actor dumbledore needed to step up his game, and he failed. Did the actor even read the books? Biggest disappointment in the movie hands down. 2. Ginny. Harry's love interest can not act for the life of her. She is so stoic, and lacking

Harry Potter is hands down my favorite book/series of all time. I first encountered the book about eight years ago, when I received it as a Christmas Present. I was entranced within the first couple of chapters, and by the end of the night I had finished the book. The book took me beyond the confines of my immediate reality and into a alter universe filled with broomsticks, wands, and magic. I fell in love with the characters, each with their own distinct personalities and rich histories. It was hard to imagine they were not real. It was hard to believe that this world filled with this amazing magic could not so beautifully coexist with the one I lived in! And I know this sounds strange... like seriously Nandita you are reading a book , can't you snap out of it? Umm No! The book goes far beyond telling a simple story, it teaches life lessons. You are probably like you lost your mind, life lessons from a children's novel? But I am serious. Harry Potter explores the concepts of g

The Miami countdown begins. t-1month. It is strange to think that in 1 month i will be in a foreign city on my own. This will be my first time away from my friends, my family, and my sister for an extended period of time. I mean I dormed for one year during college, but that doesn't really count considering i lived in Newark and was able to come home pretty much whenever. I am not really looking forward to moving away too much. People think I am strange. What you don't want to move out of the house already? Aren't you ready to get away they ask. And honestly my answer is No. To me, home is my sanctuary . When i have a rough day, or things just aren't going well... home is where i find peace. It is the once place that I know I am loved unconditionally. There are no pretenses, no reservations, just unadulterated love and support. I will miss that comfort the most. Sure some days i need a break, or i say i can't wait to leave. But I don't really mean it, Home

Spring showers bring may flowers. But may is over, and I don't care for the flowers anymore! I just want some fun in the sun! Long days at the beach, nights filled with laughter, summer drinks, bbqs, day trips to the city...i crave the simple pleasures that come along with long, hot days! But no instead i get rain, more rain, with a chance of rain! It is like it never ends!!! There hasn't been a weekend rain free for awhile now! But i guess i shouldn't complain all that much. My weekends have been spent quite pleasurably nonetheless. I have been catching up with friends. Friday night I went out with parul, and eneded up having a really nice night. We met 'Mr. Walmart' as I shall call him, and it was entertaining to say the least. Later that night we ran into shree after what seemed to be ages! Then saturday i went on this ridiculous search with my parents and yera... haha it was hilarous. We ended up touring jersey. Later I hung out with alex, maria, and shelley...

I have been having this strange feeling lately. I just want to pick up and leave and start anew. I want to go to place where nobody knows me, and I know no one. Where I have no past. I feel like my emotions are all askew. A roller coaster ride ride of pleasure and pain. I love my life here in Jersey... I do. I love my family and friends, but I need a change, a break. Moreover, I am so confused... so very confused. My love life is in shambles. There is a man that I should be with, we go so well together but i can not bring myself to see him that way. There is a man who likes me, and i like him to on some level but it is just not possible. And there is a man who I like, but does not like me. wtf. I Just want to leave these reminders of should have, could have, can't have. That's why august, I have begun to feel, could not come soon enough.

Hero. Not a film star hero. Not a superhero. Not a public figure hero. Not an everyday hero. My heroes fit a very different description.... I interned at a mental health facility two summers. My internship was one of the most humbling and life changing experiences of my life. I worked along side social workers, psychiatric nurses, clinical psychologists, and psychiatrists. Together we helped create a nurturing environment of growth, stability, and safety. My role was small, but the staff made me feel welcome and kept me involved in the clinical processes. The facility was an out patient day time facility for patients suffering from mental illness. Many of the patients also suffered from other mental disabilities such as mild to severe mental retardation. These patients were discharged form the hospital but still needed on going care. So they would come to this facility from 9-4 and get counseling, medications, and treatment. Many of the patients live in group homes for the mentally i

I was going to write about something else today, but then decided I just wasn't in the mood. What am I in the mood for.... is some pumpkin pie. You heard me! Some melt in your mouth, spicy sweet, remind you of the perfect autumn- pumpkin pie. The craving just came over me about an hour ago. Man I can act like such a pregnant woman sometimes. Anyways neither do I know where to find pumpkin pie, and neither do I need any pumpkin pie. But i thought i might as well blog about my frustrations. Speaking of which- I have been quite frustrated recently. I have been trying to square away things for august, and things are just not going well. Deferring my loans, applying for new loans, securing an apartment, finding a roommate, figuring how I am getting down there... everything is just plain annoying. Never do I get a straightforward answer, people are unreliable, and instructions are unclear. It is a pain in the butt! Oh and to make matters worse... I got my first semester books and the mat

Sign me up! It's only two thirty in the morning, and my eyes just won't shut. I am so frustrated this is the third night in a row! Its not that I am not sleepy, its that my body just won't let me sleep. I don't understand why... nothing is troubling me, I am not stressed, room is comfortable, I am a little hungry, but besides that all is good! Why oh why am I being deprived of some quality zzzzz's ? Frustrated, upset, and sleepy Nandita

Expectations surround us. We are expected to be good students, mothers, workers...and the list goes on. We are expected to talk, dress, act, and present ourselves in certain manners. Are our lives dictated by expectations? What purpose do these expectations serve... and are they not limitations? The minute something is expected of us is the moment we limit ourselves to that singular destiny. I wonder how much of my life has been dictated by these very expectations. Would I have gone to college if I was not expected to? Would I dress the way I do if I was not expected to? Would I be a Hindu? Would I make my bed if I was not expected to? People say humans have free will. They say 'free will' is one of the defining factors that separate humans from the rest of the animal kingdom. But do we really make our own choices? How many of the choices that I have made in my own life are truly my own, totally uninfluenced by those that surround me? Perhaps this a moot point, since humans are

One look at Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie, or Heidi Klum and any girl would question her reflection in the mirror. Impossible standards of beauty have taken over society and really changed the way women (and probably men too) perceive themselves. Is my nose too big, are my eyes too small, am I too dark, too light? Plastic surgery and a plethora of cosmetic products have made changing the way we look a real possibility. But is this normal, and moreover is this healthy? What are we doing to our own self-images by comparing ourselves to these largely skewed and unattainable media standards of beauty? We are screwing ourselves over, that's what we are doing! And that is why I applaud Dove's campaign for 'Real Beauty'. The campaign features real women of many ages, shapes, sizes, and colors. By featuring real women instead of models, Dove hopes to help break stereotypes about conventional beauty and help promote a healthier image of beauty. For example, they took a woman and

It's been a crazy four years, but today marks the official end of my undergraduate career. How can I sum my time at Rutgers in a blog post? Totally impossible. But I can say this... there is not a thing I would change. I have quite literally grown up with Rutgers. The things I have learned, the people I have met, the mistakes i have made, and my achievements all shape the woman I am today. I remember my first day at Rutgers... the nervousness, the excitement, and mostly the happiness. Funny thing is I graduate with those same feelings. I am nervous and excited for this new stage of my life, but I am also thrilled. I can not even begin to explain how I felt today. I came home and waiting for me was my first medical school book that arrived in the mail. I was considering going out tonight, but instead I began looking through the book. My dreams are becoming a reality. My future feels bright, optimistic, and rewarding! I am flying high, and the sky is the limit! But before I embark on

Lately I have come across quite a few people who are afraid to be alone. I don't mean alone like without friends, family, or a significant other. I mean alone like eating lunch alone, or shopping alone, or working out alone. Now i don't know about some people, but I know that I need my 'me' time every now and then. A day purely devoted to me, myself, and I. The day usually goes along the lines of: wake up leisurely (by ten approx), showering, cooking myself a nice breakfast, putting on a nice outfit, and heading out. Then I do a couple of hours of shopping, i might buy something or I might not. Sometimes I put on my headphones and just listen to my music and walk and shop. Then I usually find a place to sit down with a nice cup of coffee and pastry (which doubles as lunch) and I enjoy catching up on a book or magazine. Then after an hour I head over to the gym and sit in the sauna for half an hour, then work out, and then maybe take a dip in the pool or hot tub, and fi

The Road by Cormac McCarthy is one of the best books I have read in a really long time. The book captivated me within the first couple of pages, and I was entranced until the very end. McCarthy's style and prose is simple and elegant, and resounds as undoubtedly modernist in nature. The book's structure is quite unconventional- there are no chapters and the book's formatting is not typical of most novels. Nevertheless, what struck me in The Road wasn't the unusual style the book was written in, but rather the author's haunting story. Cormac depicts a father and son's journey through an apocalyptic, end of the world, no hope left-type setting. It's been done before, but i doubt this good. Every author writes for a reason. There is a message he/she is trying to convey, and it is up to reader to decipher that meaning or at least interpret it and relate it back to their lives. When i finished reading The Road there was no clarity, instead i was left with endle

The roads of our lives come with no maps. No signs to tell us when to yield, when to stop, or when to go. Streets, alleys, and highways are forged as we drive along. There are crossroads, and choices to be made. There are u-turns, and detours. Sometimes we take the expressway, and other times the local. Sometimes its sunny, and sometimes it rains. But we keep driving. We keep driving. We drive and we drive, until one day our engine dies. Where did the road lead us? What was our destination? What was our purpose? 21 years. 21 years i have spent on these planet. What have i done? What have I achieved. Why am i here? I am driving, but it is foggy outside. I am trying to defrost, but my efforts are fruitless. Everything you do, everyone you love... what does it matter? Who will remember, and moreover who will care? Most of us drive along paved roads, there are few that create the beaten path. No ones journey is alike, after all we are all unique. But aren't most of our destinations the

I am so incredibly sleepy right now! I wish for nothing more than the comfort of my bed! I can probably attribute this to going out/partying for four days in a row, but this is just a speculation. =) no honestly i have been partying so much lately it is quite disturbing, and not really all that normal! But what can i say- I am living it up before i give up the next four years of my life to academic ventures. Well anyways i put on some karsh kale music in my ears and i am slowly coming out of my comatose state. though gradually.

Okay real quick i must remind myself to blog about the National Geographic article on the drought in Australia!! I have some time to kill, so i must as well spend the getting some stuff off my chest. So I want to know what is up with some songs that come out now-a-days. Some of it is pure shit. A perfect example is the song "blame it on the al-al-al-alcohol"! That song is being blasted everywhere i go, and the worst part about it.. i actually caught myself singing the song the other day. This crap plays on so many mainstream radio stations. Over the weekend i was driving back from Boston and this song came on the radio no less than ten times. My issue isn't really with the song, i mean sure it is a retarded song, but hello there have been many of those. My issue is that the target audience for this song can be quite young. I mean if i catch my ten year old cousin singing this i am going to have an issue with that. Blame it one the alcohol- is that really the message we re

So moving right along with yesterday's post... the next thing on the agenda... 'my sister's friend is a HO'. yes you heard me correctly. Let me provide some background information. My sister is a junior in high school. She goes to fairly decent school, and lives in a relatively well off town. Her friends pretty much come from wealthy/ decently well off families. They all have parents who are decently involved in their son's/daughters lives. Pretty much these teens (though i prefer to call them children) have the world at their fingertips. And yet i cannot stand most of my sister's friends, especially the female ones. Now i know it is a bit harsh of me to judge these girls so harshly, i really can't help myself... its my own personal prejudice. It does not help that they hang out and in turn influence my younger sister. I love my sister dearly, more so than any other person in my life. I love her, and therefore want the best for her. She is so brilliant, tale

So today i have much to talk about, much to vent about!!! I am going to make a list so that even if i don't get to it all today I will remember to talk about it later! -cross cultural psychology- schools and racism -my sister's friend is a HO -children/ music/ messages -older men/ guys and their attitude toward women -my partying/ lifestyle habits -new music i am excited about! Okay let me begin.... Today in my cross-cultural psychology class we had a very interesting and equally infuriating conversation. The question/ topic we began our discussion with was basically this: What accounts for the disparity in academic achievement among races/ are some races smarter than others/ what race do you think of when you think when you think of someone who is smart in math. The class as a majority choose Asians and Indians as the people that are most likely to excel in mathematics (i choose Russians / Germans ). We started discussing what might set apart the different races. We mostly

I received acceptance into Ross Medical school in the islands, and it feels good. It feels good to know i have a back up plan at the very least. My future is not totally in the dumps. wooohoo more posts and happier ones at that! i can reflect on other things once again!!

So i am sick thanks to my lovely younger sister. She decided to sleep in my bed while she was sick... next thing you know... within a day i am not feeling well. Arghh but besides that life is good. I have an interview with a Caribbean medical school. I am relaxing, doing well in school, and spending lots of quality time with the family. My favorite artist is coming to town, and i am going to see her! so all is well. okay i honestly do not feel like writing any longer... so peace!!!

So it is extremely windy outside. So windy to the point that my hair is flying above my head and i look crazy... think Einstein! It is quite windy, but the weather has been pleasant, and that is a nice change! I can't wait till spring and summer!! It should be a nice change, and hopefully should cheer me up. In other news, I am taking this class cross-cultural psychology and i ended getting into an argument with my professor. Now mind you this class is a breeze, I haven't done a productive thing yet. All we do is discuss culture and watch YouTube videos. So anyway the last class we somehow ended up talking about racism in the workforce. We talked about how we do not see so many African American or Hispanic professors, and how we do not see them in high ranking positions in corporations. My question was why is it that first generation Indians and Asians seem to be professors and work in corporations when they too seem face racism, arrive in the states with little money, and live

I heard about this two days ago, but i chose to write about it now. I have thoroughly listened to Nadia ali's "Love Story" about five times and here is my consensus: The woman is a GENIUS. The song is wonderful, different, mesmerizing, and possesses all the qualities one looks for in her music. Her voice is as intoxicating as ever, if i was man i would have long been hopelessly in love. She looks amazing in the video, and i can not wait to go see her when she performs in NYC!!! I love love love her music, she is one of my favorite artists, and this saying a lot from a self-proclaimed music lover. Her single release party is March 7 th @ hiro Ballroom in NYC!! the last concert i went to of hers was amazing. She performed at Mansion, and honestly she sounds great live. I had a blast last time, though i did get a bit carried away and had a little too much fun , what can i say her music is so sensual? =) she was a joy to watch live, and i can't wait to do it again!!! I

So this Saturday, I had quite the day. In the afternoon i went to NYC for a medical school seminar. i took my dad along with me. Needless to say, I was not having fun talking about my prospective future with my dad. I got back around seven and quite literally ran and got ready in ten minutes. I hate how for the past couple of times i haven't had time to get ready, i have only had a few minutes to get ready. A girl needs her time to get ready! I don't feel pretty and well put together when i don't have time to get ready. So here i am on Saturday, not in the best of moods because i am rushed and flustered, and on top of that my mom and dad decided to ask me once again about medical school! i hate when parents do that! right before you are leaving they decide they need to ask you questions about your life, but then when you are sitting at home doing nothing they have nothing to say? Parents! Anyways so we left a bit late, and we ended up at place called "The Lounge".

Is the world going to end in 2012? If so, can God please let me know? Because if it is going to end then to hell with medical school. Seriously this application process is too much, so much that i lost sight of why I want to be a doctor. Which got me thinking me.. maybe i don't want it that bad? Who the hell knows, all i know is my parents are starting to get anxious, and i am pretty much a wreck. I look calm on the outside, but i can't seem to let a day go by with wondering about my uncertain future. and whats worse? I am not doing much about. Its like i have already given up, like i know i won't get in so why even bother. Half the schools don't even all my stuff, and i haven't bothered to call and confirm. After the first couple of rejections i just don't care anymore. Oh man this is so sad. Okay well hopefully god sends me a sign... I am waiting!!!!!! So this weekend I watched 'THE KITERUNNER '. I thought the movie was okay, but the book was a hundred

me and the main star of the movie. His name is Manish Me and Manu Narayan after the shooting!! Ps he was the lead in Bombay Dreams. Loved him in the show, very talented, but he needs to work on his off camera presence.

Okay so I am a bit annoyed. I have yet to receive the call for being an extra. The gig is shooting form nine to nine so there is still time but I am anxious, I really want to see a shooting!! Anyways beside that I just got out of the movie 'The Exorcist' which we are watching for class. I had to leave towards the end because i get so freaked out. I remember I saw when I was younger. It was daytime, and I was home alone. Nevertheless I was so thoroughly freaked out. I was like pretty much paralyzed on my sofa, I remember the remote being across the room and me wanting to turn off the TV but i didn't want to make the trip across the room lest anything were to happen to me. So I sat there and watched. I ended up not being able to sleep properly for two weeks, and mind you at that time me and my younger sister shared a room. Anyways I have come to believe that little girl movies scare the shit out of me. So I probably shouldn't share this, as it is pretty damn embarrassing

So I have to get ready for college, and leave but let me highlight my day yesterday and then i shall expend on the topics at a later time! 1. Culture... what means to us... and the argument i started in class 2. my presentation for the special problems in psychology class... materialism and children 3. spring break plans?!? Miami ? Spain ? oh how i wish and now to today.... i might be an extra for a Indian American movie... it is a wedding scene! can't wait... hopefully i get to do it!!! till later, lots of love, Nandita

So my mom won the war over the sheets, and I finally slept on my own bed last night! Thus I woke up refreshed and can i dare say... happy? Yes I am feeling quite good. It is sunny, and the view outside my living room window is strangely beautiful. My very own winter wonderland! Anyways today's schedule is a bit busier than the rest... I have physics lab today, which is kind of annoying. It is really easy, but kind of pointless. Pretty much just busy work. Besides that my day is a breeze. Oh by the way i began reading Henry James "turn of the screw" for class, and i can't seem to immerse myself. The book so far is quite boring, and moreover it is hard to understand what is going on. I ended up reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" last night, a second time read, after my friend let me borrow it. I realized that book is not that interesting the second time around! Oh let me talk about the music that is currently on repeat in my mp3. most of it is Indian only because

Hello to no one in particular, Has it really come down to this? Do i have nothing more productive to do with my life than write to myself? Who knows... but i hope that maybe this blogging might have a therapeutic effect. Honestly I have come to a point in my life where everything just seems uncertain. I remember when i was younger (about 13-14) i had envisioned my older self accomplishing so much. I wonder how my younger self would react if she had a chance to see present day me. Would she be proud of the woman i am today? Is the present day me pound of myself? I graduate this May and I have no prospective Job, no idea if i will make into medical school. I have no idea if I will ever become a doctor, and if I don't... I don't even have a back-up plan. I become moody and irritated at the mention of my future. This new me scares. Where is the faith in myself. If i have grown in the past four years, then i must also admit parts of me have regressed. Was it worth it ? Digressing f