Indian American Love Child

I am writing this on our trip from Istanbul to Gallipolli. I am a little sleepy, the residue of last night’s festivities and my friend’s snores haven’t left me fully rested.. But even in my semi aroused state, I cannot seem to close my eyes to this beautiful new world around me. We departed our hotel early this morning, before the moon and the sun exchanged places. Sitting on the bus, taking in the serenity of  the day taking over Istanbul was surreal. The glow of the full moon and three majestic mosques with their towering minarets gave way to the first rays of sunlight. The fog slowly covered the city with its many straits and flowing bodies of water, as if, to gently awaken the city with its soft light and dewy caresses. As we left the city center and ventured into the greater reaches of the city, our landscapes changed every ten kilometers eventually giving way to rolling green pastures and peaceful lakes. Finally, a little over an hour into our journey, we see an orange sun pe

A couple of weeks ago, I was scrolling IG, and came across this outfit worn by Kylie Jenner. Not going to lie, I instantly fell in love with the effortless chic vibes she was putting out. The blazer contrasted with the biker shorts and sneakers was genius. I would have NEVER thought to put that together, but here it was, and it looked amazing. The silver fanny pack not only cinched her waist and accentuated her curves, but also added an edgy, funky element to the already super cool outfit. I originally had no plans of trying to re-create this outfit. For starters, I didn't think I could pull it off, and I can not (more on that later). And also, it really isn't my style. I am more of a dress girl myself. But fate would have it, that I was freezing cold one day and needed to buy a blazer/jacket to keep me warm for the evening and I saw this pink blazer in Macys for a great price. It was like I meant to try this outfit out, and live out my Kylie dreams (I am crazy, I know). S

When things go wrong in someone’s life, people often say, look to the light. Focus on the positive. Redirect your energy. Meditate, workout, pray, adopt a new project- basically do anything to avoid feeling and experiencing whatever dark feelings and thoughts you may be having or have had, and  move on .  The concept of embracing positivity over negativity is taking social media by storm as well. Motivational quotes flood our newsfeeds on the daily. I am not discounting the value of positivity, but after years of trying to embrace this one-sided mantra, I realized something was not right.   The year leading up to my 30 th birthday, I knew I wanted to make some life changes. To the outside world, I was putting on a pretty good show. I was, for the most part, a well-adjusted, happy, successful, and CONFIDENT woman. On the inside, I was happy and successful… but very far from confident. I was insecure. Exceptionally insecure. And sometimes, especially with those close to me, I

I've tried to write the last couple of months, but truthfully something seemed off every time I picked up the pen. Every time I wrote, it felt like:  1. My words didn’t capture what I was truly feeling. Not the depth or the scope of the pain, confusion, hurt, self doubt, loneliness or the plethora of other emotions I was feeling or had felt during that time 2. I KNEW whatever I was feeling and expressing was also SUPER transient, sometimes even changing moment to moment.  And so, I decided that even though the pen was and is, one of my favorite outlets, writing  was probably in some ways, not the best for me. The thing with written word is, it is permanent. You can not unwrite it, un say it, or in any way, deny it. If i wrote what i was feeling and thinking at one of my lowest points...it would, in a way, give validation to them. And more than just validation, it would take them from what could just be transient thoughts and feelings to a more concrete reality, and I did

I have a serious bone to pick with our school systems, and maybe my parents as well. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the education I received, especially since education is a luxury, not a right, in many countries. And of course, I love my parents to death, and I am so thankful for all that they have done for me, and all that they have taught me. I just cannot help but feel that maybe both educations could have been better. Much better. The last ten years of my life have been very formative. I’ve had multiple defining moments from landing my first job, purchasing my first home, learning and refining my own finances and financial practices, trying to find a life partner, major health scares in my immediate family, and changing careers just to name a few. When I reflect back on these experiences, and the skills that I needed to navigate these life events, I honestly felt I was ill-equipped.  My formal education took place in one of the better school systems in New Jer

It is only fitting I talk about L-O-V-E around Valentine's Day. More specifically, lost love. It's been a tough couple of months for me as I've come to the sad realization that I no longer love what I do for a living. To some people, this is no big deal, as they might have never even come close to enjoying what they did, yet alone, loving it. But I LOVED nursing. For many years, no matter what shift I worked, how sick my patients or how many patients, how staffed or understaffed- I loved my profession. Of course there were bad days, but despite even the worst days, I loved being able to guide my patient through sickness to health, to be a pillar of support and a comfort at their most vulnerable time, and to use my skills and critical thinking to make sure all my patients were safe and that their needs were met. I never thought I would tire of nursing. I very much believed I could be a career nurse, retiring after 30 + years of patient care- satisfied and happy. Sadly,

It's true, you become wiser with age. Maybe you understand the world around you better? Or you understand yourself better? Or maybe you just grow to know what actually is worth understanding and what just doesn't deserve your attention. For me, I think it was a combination of all three that has led to some much needed wisdom in my life. Strangely, this wisdom came upon me suddenly in the last few months. I didn't seek it or ask for it, but I am grateful for it, as it has given me a sort of mental peace I have not had in a long time.  The first piece of self wisdom I came to realize is life is full of choices and options. I know it sounds crazy obvious, but truthfully I am not sure I fully acknowledged the flexibility of life. In the early stages of contemplating moving back to California, I was having some anxiety about whether it was the right decision. I was mentally weighing all these insignificant pros and cons, and was still undecided as to which option was the be