Education Reform: A Lesson Plan for Life Skills

I have a serious bone to pick with our school systems, and maybe my parents as well. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the education I received, especially since education is a luxury, not a right, in many countries. And of course, I love my parents to death, and I am so thankful for all that they have done for me, and all that they have taught me. I just cannot help but feel that maybe both educations could have been better. Much better.

The last ten years of my life have been very formative. I’ve had multiple defining moments from landing my first job, purchasing my first home, learning and refining my own finances and financial practices, trying to find a life partner, major health scares in my immediate family, and changing careers just to name a few. When I reflect back on these experiences, and the skills that I needed to navigate these life events, I honestly felt I was ill-equipped. 

My formal education took place in one of the better school systems in New Jersey. Arts, music, sports, languages, after school activities… We had so many extra bells and whistles in addition to the traditional education. But it is not enough. Our schools are supposed to prepare us to be productive members of society, but they don’t instill the skills we need to be one. Teaching a child fourteen years of US history, or Algebra isn’t going to cut it. We surely need all of those basics, but we also need strong communication skills, we need conflict resolution skills, we need coping mechanisms, we need tools to be our BEST SELF mentally and emotionally.

Communication skills: Humans have all kinds of relationships. Relationships with your family, friends, coworkers, love interests, and sometimes even people we do not like. The number one key to success in any relationship is communication. On a basic level, we are educated on how to communicate…write a formal letter, form eloquent sentences, etc. But are we really taught how to effectively communicate our thoughts, feelings, needs? How much of our relationships in life experience some kind of strain because we misunderstand each other, we fail to listen to each other, or we poorly express ourselves. This is such an important skill, and sadly I can openly admit, I am trying to learn it at the not so tender age of 30.

I am also trying to learn conflict resolution. How many times have I fought with the people I love… my family or a romantic partner, and just ‘gone off’ on them. Yelling or acting passive aggressive, both actions that not only lead to no solution but also to further aggravation of the problem. Instead of taking a step back, analyzing, cooling off, thinking before I speak, and finding the right words to not only express what I want to say, but say it in a way that would be received well by the other person- I act and speak rashly and harshly. Many people learn this skill in the context of professional relationships (and some don’t!) but don’t apply the same principles to their personal relationships. Some people are natural communicators, but most of us need help building and perfecting this life skill.

Another skill to ensuring your best self is coping mechanisms. As a nurse, I cannot even begin to tell you how many people I have taken care of that are on an anti-anxiety med, or anti-depressant, or abuse drugs to deal with issues. I genuinely believe I have pretty good coping mechanisms, I tend to manage stressful situations by getting things done with a cool calmness. But I am not immune to this national crisis of poor coping and I am surely not judging anyone, because when it comes to matters of the heart, I can recall a few times, I drank alcohol to deal with things. I am not proud of it, but I have to admit, it’s the truth. So why is so much of this country turning to these oral band aids? Perhaps because we aren’t taught from a young age how to healthily and constructively deal with the realities of life. There is no class in school and that talks to children about what to do when they are overwhelmed, or sad, or just don’t know how to handle whatever it is that is thrown at them. And I don’t think for a minute, that school age children are too young for this kind of training. Children are exposed to so much nowadays, from national tragedy to domestic problems, and they need to know how to not only make sense of it but also deal with it. 

As a child, my parents tried to teach me how to be a good human being. They gave me values like kindness, a strong work ethic, love with selflessness, compromise, and so much more. All of these values and skills were most definitely very important, and have helped shape who I am. But I have to say, both my home and my formal school education were incomplete. We train young America to be good workers, but what about every other aspect of life? We spend so much time prepping, focusing, and working on building and improving on our careers, but what about our relationships? What about life outside of work? Why don’t we teach children how to be good friends? Or what to look for in a romantic partner? Or how to heal from a loss? Maybe if our education was more comprehensive and included these vital life tools, we would see a decrease in drug use, or a decrease in the divorce rate, or higher job and life satisfaction if we gave people the tools and skills to reach their full potential.

You might be thinking: 1. Whose responsibility is it to teach children these skills? Parents? Education system? Religious institutions? 2. What should this education include? Who determines what is the ‘right’ coping mechanism, or ‘correct’ communication method. I have answers to both. First of all, this education is the responsibility of any and every establishment that educates our children. School, parents, after school mentors/caregivers, religious schools (Sunday school), everything and everyone. Setting children up for success is in all our best interests. Don’t we want to see all our children grow up to be not only great worker bees, but great thought leaders, great parents, great friends, great partners, honestly just great people!! And how are we supposed to get this educational blueprint for greatness? Research. Evidence based ideologies. They are tons of studies, experts, schools of thoughts on all of these human principles and skills. Books, videos, ted talks, podcasts, the list goes on…there are so many tools to help educate and promote personal growth, I honestly wish I was exposed to these tools at a young age. 

This blog post comes from a very personal place. I have always thought of myself as a work in progress. ALWAYS. I am always trying to grow professionally, grow by learning new talents, working on my physical health, expanding my horizons by travelling, building wealth etc. But I have NEVER truly sat down and took a hard look at my emotional/mental self, or really thought it was something I needed to or even should or could work on. I thought of my poor conflict resolution and communication skills as a personal flaw, one that I could hide enough to make it through the work place and superficial relationships in my life. For my more intimate relationships, I thought it was just a given, people who love and care for you, will just accept you as you are. Flaws and all. But I have been doing a TON of listening, reading, and learning and turns out, you can change and build and grow when it comes to these important life skills. No matter what the age (but wouldn’t it be nice to have them from childhood!) and how set in your ways you are, positive change is possible. And for the first time in my life, I am focusing my energies on something other than work, money, health and beauty. I am focusing on having the most positive relationships I can with the people I love. I am focusing on figuring out the things I value the most in life, the things that give me the most happiness, and what my needs are and what I have to offer and finding a partner that compliments me in the best way possible.  I am focusing on being my best self in every way possible. Truth is it will always be a work in progress, but I am starting my foundation now and it is going to be strong as hell J