Flawless

I don't know what has come over me recently, but all of sudden, I feel this immense pride in myself. I don't mean an arrogant air or sense of entitlement, but just a genuine feeling of accomplishment and worth. Today when I looked in the mirror, I honestly broke into a big smile because I was happy at what was being reflected back at me. I literally thought to myself, I am proud of the woman I have become. I can not even begin to explain how amazing that experience was. To just be happy with yourself!

Maybe people have this feeling all the time? I really don't know? But for me (sadly) this has been a first. I feel so content, so fulfilled, and I think the reason is I finally realized my happiness is not dependent on anyone else. For once, I recognize my life, and it's course, is solely in my hands. My career, my financial security, my body, my love life, almost everything... will be a result of MY choices.  I feel empowered!

Perhaps, this a fleeting feeling? A direct result of a new career opportunity, and the large possibility of buying my own place? Playing Beyoncé's song 'flawless' on repeat probably doesn't help either! But something tells me, I have changed forever.

Just in case, I have moments of weakness, and I doubt the woman I am...I decided to make a list of my awesome qualities so I can remind myself, I am worth it!

1. Kind, honest, and caring individual. In a world that houses some shitty people, I can honestly say my moral compass and my good karma are in the positive

2. Successful and blossoming career! Nurse practitioner? Maybe. Creating new health policies by becoming a legislator? Maybe. Travelling the world as a travel nurse? Maybe. My future is bright!

3. Beauty and BRAINS. Not only do I do well in an academic setting, but I can hold myself in almost any setting. I can talk about lady gaga's new outfit, and yet still hold my own, in a conversation about the nation's healthcare system. I would like to think I am pretty well read, and well travelled.

4. Financially, I do decently for myself. I can make my cake and eat it too.

5. I must be a pretty cool person because I have the most awesome support system. I am showered with support, attention, and lots of love from my family and friends. Nobody goes out of their way for crappy people. The other day, I was telling alex the story about NYE and my emotional outburst and she started laughing. I asked her why, and she said whoever is going to come into my life has to accept every side of me. She said "yeah sometimes you get crazy, but that's you". It wasn't until I was driving home later that the gravity of her words set in. She is right! The people in your life, the ones that are actually worth it, will love you and accept you for every good and bad quality. Luckily, I have a fabulous set of people who accept me just the way I am :)

Anyways, I am going to end my list here. I think that should be sufficient enough to remind me of my worth, just in case, I question it for some god forsaken reason.

Buenos Noches,
Nandita

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