Indian American Love Child

It is a strange feeling to make someone part of your life, and then excommunicate them. I always felt that way. You know someone intimately, in more ways then one, and then all of sudden they are a nobody in your life. It just doesn't seem right. I think this is probably one of the reasons why I am on good terms with almost everyone I dated...because you can't go from caring so much, to not caring at all, it almost feels like you never truly cared to begin with. But what if you meet that one person, and you don't know if caring for them, will prevent you from ever caring for someone else.  What does one do?? Can you really do anything except let go? The truth of the matter is I have no choice. My heart is so open, so ready to love and be loved, and so ready to give selflessly. But I want to share my heart with someone who is willing to the same. It was my own personal foible to care for someone, without any recognition of their feelings for me. Going forward my hea...

A woman always has a special relationship with her mother. She is the first person we try to emulate. She is our supporter, our mentor, and our friend. Sometimes our relationship is tumultuous, other times effortless and gracious, but always and forever, it is bound by love. She is the woman that gave us life, and if you are as lucky as me, she is the woman that showed you how to live it too.  This past week marked the 50th birthday of the most remarkable woman I know, my mom. Everything I am, and anything I have ever achieved, can be in some way attributed to her. In fact, I always tell people, I will be very lucky if I turn out to be even half the woman she is. She has many wonderful qualities, but the ones I love, admire, and hope to adopt the most are her resilience, spontaneity, integrity, compassion, and vivaciousness. To celebrate and commemorate these qualities, I have decided to share five stories that really capture the es...

I had this strange dream (or series of dreams, couldn't really tell) last night. In them, I was married to three very different real life men. How much truth or reality there is to this dream is surely questionable, but I woke up with a really strange feeling. My life was so different with each man, and each offered me three very different lives- each good and bad in their respective ways. I woke up knowing exactly which life I needed, and which man could offer me that life, and yet in no way did I derive any happiness from that realization.   Truthfully, I am at crossroads when it comes to my life. At this very moment, I know exactly what I need but I have no idea what I want. A part of me wants to say F it, and just have a royal time doing me. God knows, my life is going really well right now, and I am truly happy in every sense of the word. Why lock myself into something, when there is a whole playful summer ahead of me!   But then the othe...

Somewhere around 4 o clock in the morning (on a relatively slow night at work), I just start thinking about things. Lame things- like what day I should my laundry. Deep and reflective things- like where is my life headed. Horrible things- like when will my annoying patient finally go to bed. And then sometimes, just really random things. It seemed like a good idea to document my thoughts, because well hell, maybe I am not the only one with these questions. Or maybe these are just the thoughts of a sleep deprived crazo...I don't know. But if you have the answers...hook a girl up!   1. What happened to exits 132,133, and 134 on the Garden State Parkway?   2. What does it mean when a DJ says he is "on the ones and twos"?   3. What exactly is in draino?!? How is it able to dissolve anything and everything?!!?   4. What is the correct way to pronounce 'Givenchy' and 'Yves Saint Laurent'?   5. Why do guys expend so much time, energy, and...

This week was the most taxing week of my nursing career thus far, and hands down, today was the worst day I have ever had working as a nurse. I literally saw my young patient slowly deteriorate, herniate, and eventually end up brain dead. The slow changes in my patient's pupils, the look in his father's eyes, the heart wrenching wail of his mourning mother...I can not seem to get them out of my head.   In nursing school, they told us we would encounter moments like these. But no amount of verbal preparation seems sufficient when these events unfold in real time. I only spent three long days with the patient and his family, and yet, I felt so much pain today. The mother literally sobbing in my arms, asking me "how could this be?" What reply could I give her? What solace could I give her except the warmth of my arms, and the silent translation that I too, felt her loss. How could I explain to the dad that his son was never going to wake up...

Life works in strange ways. Events happen all the time that test our faith and beliefs. As we grow older, we learn more but this knowledge doesn't always translate into more understanding . The saying 'ignorance is bliss' has never rung more true in my life.   I remember when I was younger, I used to speak with conviction. I could articulate my thoughts and feelings with utter ease. Life was mostly black and white. Things were either right or wrong. The areas of gray were far and few. Now, life seems like fifty shades of gray...and none of them are nearly as fun as the popular novel may suggest.   One area of gray I recently battled with...is the unfairness of life. Why do bad things happen to good people? I watched my patient and her family go through hell-  the family literally watched their loved one battle with death. I learned that my lovely coworker lost his young sister tragically. I found out that my patient passed away after a traumatic year in...

Oh Happy Day!!! 2014 is most definitely my year!!! I didn't think I would get a position in critical care, and low and behold, I get to work in the neurocritical care ICU! I was slightly worried about my financial security, and now shortly I am going to be a homeowner!! I didn't think my heart was ever going to heal and feel love again, and guess what, I was wrong!!! So wrong!! I don't want to jinx anything, and I don't want to over excite myself, but all I can say is life works in very strange ways....sometimes happiness is literally right in front of your face! Happy Monday World!!!! Peace and Love always, Nandita