Letting Go

It is a strange feeling to make someone part of your life, and then excommunicate them. I always felt that way. You know someone intimately, in more ways then one, and then all of sudden they are a nobody in your life. It just doesn't seem right. I think this is probably one of the reasons why I am on good terms with almost everyone I dated...because you can't go from caring so much, to not caring at all, it almost feels like you never truly cared to begin with. But what if you meet that one person, and you don't know if caring for them, will prevent you from ever caring for someone else.  What does one do?? Can you really do anything except let go?

The truth of the matter is I have no choice. My heart is so open, so ready to love and be loved, and so ready to give selflessly. But I want to share my heart with someone who is willing to the same. It was my own personal foible to care for someone, without any recognition of their feelings for me. Going forward my heart, my attention, my affection will be reserved for those that not only deserve it but who reciprocate it. They say love is a two way street. Love will accept you as you are, flaws and all. Love will be there for you through good times and bad. Love will want to be with you, love will fight for you, and love is about us and not about I. I finally understand that now. It took five long years for me to come to this realization, but I finally get it, I am finally here.

So I did what I should have done a long time ago, I let go. For the first time, I am going to try and let go. Does it hurt? Oh god, so much so. I have never felt so strong and weak at the same time. Will I survive, of course. Will love find me? Now that I have made some room in my heart, I hope so :)

Forever and always a believer,
Nandita

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