Winter is here (in my heart)

Man, what a Monday. Actually, what a week. I am seriously a little shell shocked, not just at what happened but also my reaction. Today will most definitely go down as a memory I will never forget. I always knew there was an ugly side to being a traveler, but today I realized just how disposable we were. And how intense corporate America is. And just how much money runs this world. 

This morning was hands down one of the most embarrassing work experiences of my life, but man, I am walking away so much wiser. Surprisingly, I think I handled myself pretty well. And I got my ish together hella quick! It's all gonna be ok in the end, sorted most of it out...  but this experience brings to light what I have been feeling lately. I feel a little cold. Actually, I feel worse then cold, I feel very indifferent. And not just about work, but so many things. It's kinda of scary, it's kinda nice, but mostly it just doesn't feel like me. 

Literally, wasn't sad about leaving my coworkers who I considered friends. Wasn't even that mad about what went down. Just was like, ok this sucks but move on. Very methodical. Even in my personal life, I feel like my heart and body have just shut down. It's kinda a horrible feeling. I don't know how I am ever going to let someone else in again. I legit avoided any random dude that approached me this weekend. Wasn't even trying to be rude, but my body and mind legit just dragged me across the floor away from the poor guy. I don't know if I just need time to heal, or if this is the new me- maybe it's not even a bad thing. If you don't get attached, you can't get hurt? But I don't know, its all kinds of foreign to me, and right now, I am not a fan. 

Maybe I just need a little TLC in my life. Got some serious packing done today, and should be settled back home by early next week. Might be nice to be surrounded by my fam for some time, and soak in some love and care and warm this heart back up? 

Fingers crossed for that, and also that I don't go blind. Def looked at the solar eclipse with just regular sunglasses. Woops 😎

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