Boredom inspires Blogging

Hello to no one in particular,

Has it really come down to this? Do i have nothing more productive to do with my life than write to myself? Who knows... but i hope that maybe this blogging might have a therapeutic effect. Honestly I have come to a point in my life where everything just seems uncertain. I remember when i was younger (about 13-14) i had envisioned my older self accomplishing so much. I wonder how my younger self would react if she had a chance to see present day me. Would she be proud of the woman i am today? Is the present day me pound of myself?

I graduate this May and I have no prospective Job, no idea if i will make into medical school. I have no idea if I will ever become a doctor, and if I don't... I don't even have a back-up plan. I become moody and irritated at the mention of my future. This new me scares. Where is the faith in myself. If i have grown in the past four years, then i must also admit parts of me have regressed. Was it worth it ?

Digressing from my academic career for a bit... i will ponder my personal life. I have everything could ever want.... A great set of family and friends. And i mean that with all my heart. God has blessed me with a very supporting, caring, endearing, and overall wonderful support group. What i don't understand if i am surrounded by these people who love me, why didn't i learn to love? Why is it that i cannot get close to someone on a more intimate level? why is it that i have to runaway from anyone that is interested in me? And then god forbid a guy doesn't like me... he is then all of sudden the only thing i want? How does that make any sense? You think i would (like any normal person) would pursue the guy who clearly is in to me, and not afraid to admit it. but alas when is life ever that simple?

Aside from all this blatant pessimism i really am not depressed... i am just writing this blog entry while i am a bit upset. Yesterday my parents started asking me if i heard back from anyone, and i hadn't. to make matters worse i have been sleeping on the couch for two days, and haven't really been able to sleep well at all. My mom decided she wanted to throw away my sheets, and then it turns out she buys me these ugly gray sheets which i refuse to use... so until we buy new sheets i am resigned to the couch. maybe all this lack of proper sleep is making me extra cranky. hmm maybe blogging is helpful.... get adequate sleep= a less bitchy nandita. case closed.

till next time,
peace,
nandita

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