Indian American Love Child

I just cried while reading a novel. New low?  Chetan Bhagat's 'One Indian Girl' is no literary masterpiece, actually in all honesty, it's basic as hell. But damn that novel struck a chord. I only started it two days ago, and I am already halfway through. For a novel written by an Indian man, I must admit...he gets it.  The protagonist is an Indian woman in her 20's, very successful, independent, smart, etc. She pretty much has all the makings for a fabulous life, and yet she doesn't... because like many women, she finds herself battling not only society but also herself. I found myself relating so much to this fictional character.  I love being Indian. I love the music, festivals, food, etc. I am proud to be Indian! However being an Indian woman point blank kinda sucks sometimes. My trip to India really solidified this feeling. I was speaking with my aunt, who happens to be South Indian. She was telling me about the dowry system, and how it still pr...

Oh lord, I just finished a session with my trainer, and as much I love the way she drives me; I also feel like I am going to puke. I can not believe I let myself get so weak that I am actually nauseous after a workout! But I am hopeful, three weeks in and I am starting to see some improvements. I just need to make sure I keep the drinking/eating at bay which is honestly pretty damn hard in the city. Even when I try and behave, I somehow get suckered into going out once a week! But if I am going to see the results I want to see, I am definitely going to have cut out some of the crap. I told myself I would spend the rest of this year working on my physical well being, and once I have a good regimen with that, I will start figuring out my career game plan in January. I know its sad but between moving, work, my personal life..I just couldn't seem to focus on my career.  I am trying to get myself emotionally straight. I finally had the conversation with S, and it just confirmed what ...

I just finished a super long day of computer training for my new position at NYP so my brain is running at 20% efficiency right now, but I am going to write anyways because I really want to the chronicle the last month while it is still fresh in my head! So I will start where I left off! Leaving San Diego and the process of moving across the country went smoother than I anticipated. Rose's family was super sweet and let me stay with them for two weeks, they made me feel so welcome, and really just part of the family. I honestly can not imagine living 3000 miles away from everyone I love without the support and love from Rose and her family. She really did help make my SD special for me. I also had help from Sunny for the last weekend, which was nice, because my suitcase was no joke! But even with all the help, I am soooo done with moving. I have literally moved five times in the last two months, and I am over it. Packing everything up, unloading it, arranging it, packing the c...

My heart is so heavy right now. I haven't had a shift like last nights in so long. I am absolutely mentally, physically, and emotionally spent. I spent two nights working with this very young patient who kept getting progressively sicker. Really nice and supportive parents, and pretty nice decent guy who just happened to be stuck in a crappy situation. The first night I worked with him, it was busy but manageable. But last night was honestly a shit show. I worked my butt off just to keep things from going south, and despite my greatest efforts things went super south. I have never cried in the middle of code, and there I was tear drop after tear drop. This young man  expressed his wishes to me, and we literally did the opposite. Of course, we thought it was in his best interest, but really what ended up happening was horrible. I can't write about it here for HIPAA reasons, but I don't even have to, because I know I will never forget this night. And then on top of all that....

Life has a really strange way of working out. The older I get, the more I realize everything happens for a reason. Even though I will be leaving California on very bittersweet terms, and god knows I will miss it terribly, I think I finally understand why things might have worked out the way they did and why I am leaving. I am leaving to fulfill a dream. I am moving to NYC in a little over a month, and if there was ever a time for me to move to New York, it is most definitely NOW. After California. I feel so much more zen (go ahead and call the hippie police on me), and in a healthier place. If I lived in NYC even as little as two years ago, I would have been outta control. Going out all the time, endless mindless dates, getting trapped in the shallow "social scene", but now I think I will truly enjoy NYC for all the right reasons. Truthfully, some of things I used to love about New York has lost its appeal...like the hustle and bustle, the everyday grind, the constant sti...

I had to make some difficult decisions the past couple of weeks about everything from my career and residence to my relationship. After a lot of soul searching, and a pretty tough conversation with S, I decided I am going to leave California and move back to the East coast. When the pain of the S situation subsided a little, a whole new kind of sadness set in. I didn't realize how much I have fallen in love with San Diego. My heart literally hurts when I think of leaving. This totally boggles me. I spent the last nine months enjoying myself out here, but not without serious bouts of missing NYC/home. And now, I have the opportunity to leave and move to NYC, a city I have dreamed about living in since I was a teenager, and I am still not happy. Even the thought of being closer to my friends and family, who i spent the last 10 months missing isn't making me happier. When I was trying to independently decide whether to stay in SD or not, I couldn't tell if I liked SD becau...

God, I seriously hate being a woman sometimes. For starters, it is a crap ton of work. Just the other day, I literally spent 8 hours behind hair management alone! Waxing, coloring, shaving, trimming... I mean, what an ordeal! But worse than any female physical maintenance is the emotions and thoughts that come along with being a female. After to talking to many a men and woman on a very personal level over the years, I am going to go ahead and make the safe assumption that is pretty much a female problem. Men surely have emotions/thoughts but not to the extent that women do. And I seriously envy that.  This past weekend was a prime example of emotion/thought overload. I had one freaking weekend alone, and it threw my mind into hyper drive. First I was bored. Then I was sad because so many of my friends had left. Then I was mad because I felt like I was waiting on someone. Then I was happy because I did end up meeting up with my some of my friends. Then I was bored and sad a...