One Indian Girl

I just cried while reading a novel. New low? 

Chetan Bhagat's 'One Indian Girl' is no literary masterpiece, actually in all honesty, it's basic as hell. But damn that novel struck a chord. I only started it two days ago, and I am already halfway through. For a novel written by an Indian man, I must admit...he gets it. 

The protagonist is an Indian woman in her 20's, very successful, independent, smart, etc. She pretty much has all the makings for a fabulous life, and yet she doesn't... because like many women, she finds herself battling not only society but also herself. I found myself relating so much to this fictional character. 

I love being Indian. I love the music, festivals, food, etc. I am proud to be Indian! However being an Indian woman point blank kinda sucks sometimes. My trip to India really solidified this feeling. I was speaking with my aunt, who happens to be South Indian. She was telling me about the dowry system, and how it still pretty prevalent in South Indian culture. In the dowry system, the more educated the woman is, the more dowry the girl's family is expected to give. What's worse, is some of these women marry, and are expected to stay at home and be a housewife. Or work but still do all the things that are required of 'married woman'. Hell I got asked a couple of times, 'wouldn't you like to settle down? Never have to work, be taken care of?'. You can see it in the way people arrange the marriages there. Try to find the most educated, well paid groom so your girl is taken care. It makes me so sad. Our parents raise daughters with so much love. They educate us, entertain our hobbies (sports,dance, whatever), give us the world. They want us to have everything! But then at some point in our twenties, it seems all that becomes secondary to getting us married. Without marriage, it almost feels like any educational or personal achievement is moot. South Indian culture just adds salt to the injury, by making the parents pay for their beloved successful daughter. 

And i know this may be a figment of my imagination, but sometimes I feel my parents aren't happy with me until I am married. No matter where I go, or what I achieve personally or in my career, i feel like my parents will look at my life and think its incomplete because there isn't someone at my side. I am trying not to be unfair to my parents, they love me to death and only want whats best for me. And according to them, that is not how they feel. And maybe after years of dissent, I am super sensitive or defensive or imagining things, I feel that way. The disappointment may not be apparent in the verbiage they use (especially since that topic of conversation has been so taxing on our relationship) but in the subtle looks of disappointment or tone they use when the topic comes up or how they talk about other unmarried women. But really what hurts the most, is the toll it takes on your relationship with your family. In the book, the girl at one point, shortens her phone calls with her mom, or tries way to switch topics, or avoids going home. I recently broke down crying after a fight with my parents about marriage, not because of marriage, but because how the topic had somewhat changed the way I felt about going home and spending time with them. I used to view home as a sanctuary, as my safe place. As my escape from the world and all it's nastiness. Now sometimes, it feels like an obligation, and something that has me walking on eggshells to make sure no fights go down. It just sucks that I feel that way about home. I love my parents, and it make me so angry our relationship strained over some stuff crap like marriage.

It just feels so unfair, women are expected to settle down at certain age, and we get so much pressure to do so. But what about men??? What about the freaking men. Ever think to tell your sons to settle down?????? Maybe if they felt the same pressure we did, they may be more likely to settle down with your damn daughters. And why is that only women need to 'settle down'? A good amount of Indian parents (not mine) expect women to cook, clean, do 'wifely duties' post marriage. You raise us to think we can do and be anything, and then still expect us to serve chai to hubby dearest?? It just doesn't make any sense. Nobody needs to 'settle down'!! I believe in marriage. I really do. I think it can be a beautiful thing, but come on, it should be about partnership and finding someone that complements you and supports you, spiritually and emotionally. Not just a partnership based on finances, family background, etc etc. 

And its more than just marriage, its everything when it comes to relationships. Women are just expected to be more accommodating. I am not just talking about myself, but also my friends and their experiences. I could spend hours recounting stories/experiences, of not just myself, but my friends...but it would just work me up. 

Wow, I think I cried out some of my frustration while writing this. I feel better :)

Chetan Bhagat, the 300+ women you interviewed to write this book did you well, because honestly your novel is probably the most relatable book I have read in a long time (and lol I don't even make close to what radhika does!). Thanks for making me feel understood, and thanks for reminding me that this isn't an isolated problem but one that so many women, near and far, are struggling with. 

Feeling Relieved :)

Nandita