California
I had to make some difficult decisions the past couple of weeks about everything from my career and residence to my relationship. After a lot of soul searching, and a pretty tough conversation with S, I decided I am going to leave California and move back to the East coast.
When the pain of the S situation subsided a little, a whole new kind of sadness set in. I didn't realize how much I have fallen in love with San Diego. My heart literally hurts when I think of leaving. This totally boggles me. I spent the last nine months enjoying myself out here, but not without serious bouts of missing NYC/home. And now, I have the opportunity to leave and move to NYC, a city I have dreamed about living in since I was a teenager, and I am still not happy. Even the thought of being closer to my friends and family, who i spent the last 10 months missing isn't making me happier.
When I was trying to independently decide whether to stay in SD or not, I couldn't tell if I liked SD because I inherently liked it or because S had made it special. I met him so early on in my move that I couldn't really separate the two. Now that is S is removed from the picture, I know that I actually really do just love it here. I love the weather, beaches, sunshine, palm trees...really its just plain beautiful. And more importantly, I felt happy here. Other than missing home, I felt a calm I hadn't felt in so long in new york. It brought a healthier side of me, both physically and in terms of my mental well being. But what am I to do?
If I stay, what would I be staying for? Would I be lonely? Would I date again? Could I find someone who could give me a reason to stay? What if I fall back into things with S, even though he isn't on the same page? Would I continue to do travel nursing. How would I pursue my MBA financially? When would i get my permanent job? Would I be happy away from my family and friends long term? So many ?????
I guess I could always come back if I wanted to...who knows where life will take me right? But for now, I will go to NYC. At least I can say, I finally fulfilled a life long dream of working and living in new york city. And who knows, maybe something or someone great is waiting for me back on the east coast? I am sad but hopeful.
When the pain of the S situation subsided a little, a whole new kind of sadness set in. I didn't realize how much I have fallen in love with San Diego. My heart literally hurts when I think of leaving. This totally boggles me. I spent the last nine months enjoying myself out here, but not without serious bouts of missing NYC/home. And now, I have the opportunity to leave and move to NYC, a city I have dreamed about living in since I was a teenager, and I am still not happy. Even the thought of being closer to my friends and family, who i spent the last 10 months missing isn't making me happier.
When I was trying to independently decide whether to stay in SD or not, I couldn't tell if I liked SD because I inherently liked it or because S had made it special. I met him so early on in my move that I couldn't really separate the two. Now that is S is removed from the picture, I know that I actually really do just love it here. I love the weather, beaches, sunshine, palm trees...really its just plain beautiful. And more importantly, I felt happy here. Other than missing home, I felt a calm I hadn't felt in so long in new york. It brought a healthier side of me, both physically and in terms of my mental well being. But what am I to do?
If I stay, what would I be staying for? Would I be lonely? Would I date again? Could I find someone who could give me a reason to stay? What if I fall back into things with S, even though he isn't on the same page? Would I continue to do travel nursing. How would I pursue my MBA financially? When would i get my permanent job? Would I be happy away from my family and friends long term? So many ?????
I guess I could always come back if I wanted to...who knows where life will take me right? But for now, I will go to NYC. At least I can say, I finally fulfilled a life long dream of working and living in new york city. And who knows, maybe something or someone great is waiting for me back on the east coast? I am sad but hopeful.
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