Go Shawty, It's Your Birthday
PAUSE. Before I continue with my regularly scheduled programming, I have to share something I am super excited about. So, you know how everyone talks about social media and the media in general is bad for self-esteem, body image, etc. For the most part, I 100% agree. Seeing photo shopped images all day, err day is not doing anyone, any good. However, yesterday I had an amazing positive moment while surfing you tube.
In general, I know the current day beauty standards are moving towards “thick” women. Women with tiny waists, but prominent hips + butts + thighs. Everywhere you look you can see the change. From the fashion trends (fashion nova case and point) and IG fitness models & their ‘build your glutes’ workouts to the obsession with the Kardashians that just fails to die. But old habits die hard. Even though I see the changing trend and even though I am slowly embracing my curves, I am still somewhat stuck in that traditional mindset of ‘skinny’ = beautiful. Until yesterday. Yesterday, was kind of awesome and incredibly eye opening.
So, I was surfing YouTube – lol one of my favorite activities #dontjudge. Anyways while surfing, I came across the music video ‘Juicy’ by Doja Cat ft. Tyga. The song was catchy (give it a few listens, it grows on you), but moreover I was blown away by her body. Her and I, literally have similar hips, thighs, and butt. Like stupid similar (not trying to be cocky, but I have gotten into lifting and things are looking hella firmer- still have to work on the waist though). So, I am looking at her all creepily entranced, and then I decide to scroll the comments section. And whhhaaaattt, it was insane. Praise after praise, admiration after admiration for her lower body. I scrolled for a while. It felt amazing… I was like people can’t get enough of her body. It made me LOVE my body and see it for what it was…. lol juicy. In all the right ways.
Anyways, I was feeling pretty good before I saw this video... now my mood is on cloud 9. Check this fly girl out, and her awesome video:
| YAAASSS GIRL |
Alright flip it back, and reverse it to my original blog post…
I can’t believe I am about to turn 32. Honestly, I ain’t mad about it. Lol I just feel oddly confused about it. Like don’t get me wrong, I know the calendar does not lie. BUT. And mind you, these are some big buts.
1. I do not feel 32 (except every once in a while, when I wake up from what I thought was normal night of sleep and my neck is stiff for three days? Then I feel betrayed by body and old AF).
2. I don’t think I look like I am 32. Stella still got it, boo ;)
3. I don’t always act like I am 32. Much to my mother’s dismay, the young fool inside just doesn’t want to die…guess who is still throwing it down on the dancefloor (or the street or anywhere, really #noshame #canttakemeanywhere). This aunty still loves to party sharty, and balle balle all night long
Well anyways, I guess whether I feel, look, or act 32 or not… this ish is still happening. And so, in order to personally kick off my BURFDAY… I am taking a moment for reflections, blessings, and goals. Here are five lessons I have learned, four things I am super grateful for, and three goals for the next couple of years J
Lessons. What the hell I have learned in 32 years? A hell of a lot, that is fo sho.
1. Probably first and foremost: Self Love. I know it sounds cheesy and cliché, but it is the TRUTH. And what exactly do I mean by this ever ambiguous ‘self-love’? I mean being kind to our self with our failures and our personal shortcomings. Taking the time to recognize, appreciate, and celebrate all the unique and wonderful traits that make us, us. And finally, always strive to be the best version of ourselves, but not lose ourselves in the journey. It is ok if I am not the best dancer, or if it took me 10+ years to figure out what I might want to do, or if I am size 8 instead of a size 2- it is ok. I should still dance, because it makes me happy as hell. And my career…I am so naturally adventurous; the right opportunity will find me. And my weight? F’ it! Women spend hours in the gym for my hips and butt. Gotta love yourself- every molecule, every inch.
2. Nothing in life comes without hard work. I never thought of myself as entitled, but ummm I might actually have some millennial in me after all. Insert eye roll please. So, this was about six months ago and work was stupid intense. I honestly felt like a chicken without a head. I was running from city to city, working long hours, and constantly felt like I was drowning. I was talking to my dad one day complaining about how I needed a raise, and how work was crazy, and blah blah blah. Once I was done with my pity party, he shared with me his path to success. He shared with me of how hard he worked, and how success did not come to him overnight. It took years of working hard, patience, and proving worthy. I was so humbled and reminded of how things are not just handed out. Case and point, my own immigrant father who worked so hard to get where he was now. I was definitely working hard, but I had not paid my dues yet. I needed my father to humble me and remind nothing of value in this life is handed out- it is earned, and I was going to have to work for it (and not just for a couple of months!).
3. Chill out- things do not always go by plan. I never thought I would be a Nurse, living in California, and unmarried at 32. I was supposed to be married and have 2 kids, be working as a doctor, and living in New Jersey… when I think of my plan, all I can think of is how awful that sounds. Could anything be more mundane? Instead of that boring, typical plan...I got adventure, personal growth through multiple unplanned experiences (working in multiple hospitals, buying my own home, living in different cities, meeting people from all walks of life, etc.), and finally a hell of a lot of fun. I see people get stressed all the time when things change in their “life plans” … they gotta chill out. Nobody knows where the fork or turn in the road is going to lead. Embrace, move, and grow from it. Shit will work out.
4. Think before you speak. Damn, I am not going to lie- I was hella guilty of this. Things would fly out of my mouth in a moment of anger, joy, or excitement without thinking about whose feelings it might be hurting, or whether it was appropriate. I think some degree of this impulsivity is innate, but even so, it is inexcusable. I have done soooo much better at this recently, and it seems to be steadily improving, but it is still a work in progress.
5. It is ok to put yourself first. This can mean different things for different situations. But I am referring to letting go of unhealthy relationships (friends, romantic, etc.) This is a hard one for me. I am not a saint or anything like that, but I do think I am a pretty kind and nice person. Moreover, my parents are honestly pretty damn awesome- kind, charitable, inclusive, etc. People have wronged my parents in the past, and they have forgiven them and continued to maintain a relationship. This is what I saw growing up. It took me awhile to realize it, but I think it is ok (and sometimes more than ok, it can be necessary) to put yourself first. If someone- whether it is family, friend, partner, whatever- is not good for you, good to you, or just not good at all…it is ok to put yourself first and say bye Felicia. For the first time this year, I started letting go of people that had done me wrong or were not adding value in my life, and it has left me feeling liberated and lighter. Time and energy are valuable commodities, do not waste it on people that are not worthy. Put yourself first when it comes to people like that.
What am I grateful for? I swear to god, I feel like I am more and more blessed with each passing year. I am grateful for
1. My health- other than phantom neck pain lol I am operating without too much issue
2. My family- all of them. My amazing sister, my insanely supportive parents, and finally my extended family here and in India. I know it sounds crazy, but it is such a surreal and wonderful feeling knowing loving energy is being sent my way from so many directions and from so many people.
3. My friends- the family that I have chosen and have chosen me back. They are some of the most kind, loving, funny, down to earth, and crazy souls I have met. New and old, they are truly gold
4. Opportunity- I am so blessed to be raised by parents who worked their butt off to make sure I had so many resources. A great education, all the basic necessities (home, food, etc.) swim lessons, dance lessons, travel abroad… the list goes on and on. If it were not for these early opportunities and resources who knows how different my path could have been.
Goals. This girl doesn’t have it all figured out by any means. Here are three areas of improvements I plan on putting some work into!
1. Two areas of improvement that I believe will go hand in hand for me are: advocating for myself professionally + learn to have tough conversations (and not just appeasing). I am slowly getting better with this, but I am not where I need to be by any means. Whether it is pushing back on a coworker because I do not agree with the plan of attack, having difficult/uncomfortable conversations with staff that work under me, or advocating for my own opportunities (financial and otherwise).
2. Step out of my comfort zone: Whether it is trying a new cuisine or new style of dancing, I need to do a better job of venturing out of my comfort zone. I have kicked off some of it this past year… I have tried different Asian cuisines, and I started dabbling in strength training, but there is room for improvement!
3. Start saving more. I am decent when it comes to my finances. I have investments, solid income, etc. but truthfully, I can do better when it comes to saving. I save right now, but I could significantly improve on it if I was more mindful with my spending. Whether it is extra shopping I don’t need or paying a frivolous parking ticket #mybad, I spend money all the time without thinking!! Money that could be making me money or helping me for my retirement. My goal is to increase my savings by at least 10% this year!!
I am pretty ambivalent about turning another year older, but I am super happy with my life- events passed and events coming. I am especially looking forward to my lion king themed party where I get to see all my frannnndddds!!! More on that soon ;)
Till next time,
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Nandu Fundu Out
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