Just a little Wiser .

It's true, you become wiser with age. Maybe you understand the world around you better? Or you understand yourself better? Or maybe you just grow to know what actually is worth understanding and what just doesn't deserve your attention. For me, I think it was a combination of all three that has led to some much needed wisdom in my life. Strangely, this wisdom came upon me suddenly in the last few months. I didn't seek it or ask for it, but I am grateful for it, as it has given me a sort of mental peace I have not had in a long time. 

The first piece of self wisdom I came to realize is life is full of choices and options. I know it sounds crazy obvious, but truthfully I am not sure I fully acknowledged the flexibility of life. In the early stages of contemplating moving back to California, I was having some anxiety about whether it was the right decision. I was mentally weighing all these insignificant pros and cons, and was still undecided as to which option was the best for me. I decided to just go for it at the end, but it wasn't until after my undecided decision that I had my moment of clarity. I realized, for starters, me stressing over California was absolutely useless. Given my career, I could quite easily pick up and move anywhere in a heart beat. So if i honestly ever get unhappy in California, I can quite quickly pack up and just move back. But more importantly, I began to understand that my life and every one's life, for the most part will always have choices. Every choice will have an outcome, will have consequences, hopefully some benefits, but most significantly- will lead to more choices. More forks in the road. Why am I stressing? If I make a choice, and its the wrong choice... take the next right turn. It will be okay. And who knows, maybe that "wrong" choice might have paved the way for an even better final destination. 

 

It should be noted, I am not advocating that people make stupid or ill thought choices, but that if you happen to make the choice that is not the best for you. Relax! It's going to be ok! Because, guess what...life is full of lots of choices and options!!

My second major piece of wisdom has to with happiness. More particularly who you allow to control your happiness. In the perfect world, I would like to say only you should control your happiness. That you can build an arsenal of hobbies, things, interests that make you happy, and you would no longer be dependent on those around you to provide happiness. But the truth is unless you are on the fast track to attaining Hinduism's Moksha, as humans you need relationships to fulfill your fundamental needs. Hell after Maslow's food, shelter, and security comes love and belonging. Relationships are essential to our well being and our happiness. Over the years, you have many relationships in your life. I am not just talking about romantic ones. I am talking about familial, friends, romantic, all relationships really. Relationships lead to attachment and with attachment can come happiness, pain, anger, love, just about every powerful emotion you can think of. 

For me personally, the realization of happiness and attachment came from my romantic relationships. Over the years I have been dating, I noticed a very unhealthy pattern within myself. I would attach my happiness to the man I was dating. If things were great, I was on cloud nine. If things were sour, so was my mood. And if things ended, I was devastated. It was incredibly unhealthy to have my happiness be dependent on people undeserving of that level of attachment. Now obviously, as you grow to know and love someone, there will be attachment. And that attachment will only grow with time. And at some point, that attachment will most definitely impact your happiness. But that attachment should be earned, not freely given out. And I say this for all relationships, whether it is family, friends, or Bae. Has that person proven themselves time and time again? Has this person been supportive in your time of need. Has this person had your best interest at heart. Is this person loyal? Is this person enriching your life? And of course,you must be all of this and more back as well. But the point is, a person should prove they are worthy of your attachment. And even then, it is a scary scary thing to give any ONE person significant power over your own well being, over your happiness. First and foremost, cultivate your own inner happiness. Then, cultivate relationships that give you happiness, but let your relationships, your attachments be MERIT based ones. 

I do not know if my wisdom on happiness and attachments, and the realization of life and its many choices is universally applicable. But I do know, I have found a lot of peace in understanding these personal truths in my own life. Lol I don't know if a part of growing older just means these random things come to you, but I'll take it!