Life Minutes

Well a lot has happened in the last couple of months but for whatever reason, I just haven't want to write about it? But here is the quick synopsis: 

a. I turned 30 and it was fabulous. Literally, the perfect birthday...my family and friends teamed together to surprise with me this amazing weekend. I thought turning 30 was going to be kind of traumatic in ways...like I would feel unhappy with where was I was in life, what I had not achieved but hoped to achieve, etc. But instead, I felt oddly very much at peace and happy. I guess that is the power of being surrounded by unconditional love and giving significantly less shits about lots of things? Lol I am not complaining. 

b. Living at home, to my surprise, has been awesome. To have the four of us under the same roof again + us getting along (for the most part) with the added bonus of getting to spend my days off shooting the shit with yera, having a nice space to rest my head, coffee and a full kitchen to play in, the convenience of a car is literally the best. I almost think if we still lived in edison, or just more central to nyc/civilization...I wouldn't move out. But there is the problem, I am getting too comfortable. I need to start thinking about establishing roots somewhere! anywhere! and considering the cold makes me miserable, and i really would not like to deal with it for the rest of my life,  I am moving back to san diego

c. But I am not 100% sold on it. Or I am, I am just not thrilled about leaving the fam bam. I love my friends and will miss them, but I am not upset about moving away from them. Its just leaving my family that has me sad. If i could wrap them up and take them with me, I would be in california or anywhere in a heartbeat. But leaving them, that makes my heart hurt.To think of them one day getting old, and needing me. Or a happy occasion I might miss. Or just being there- I don't know. I am already crying just thinking about. I do not know if I am making the right decision at all. But I am also trying not to put any pressure on myself. I am lucky that my career is so fluid, I can literally go anywhere- like today I reallly really really wanted to pick up and move to Hawaii- took every ounce of energy to not ask the recruiter to look there. But alas, if california is somewhere I see myself, I have to go give it an honest shot and find out if that beautiful place can be home or just another beautiful place. I have a contract and a place lined up- I have some goals lined up as well for both my career, finances, etc so def excited to get jumping on those. We shall see what happens

d. My love life is stagnant with a capital S. Honestly, my own situation does not make sense to me anymore, and I don't really have the drive to figure it out either. We had a convo the last time we met, and by the end of it, sadly I somewhat checked out. I wasn't really mad or hurt, I just kinda felt myself giving up a little. I don't think I have much left in me to give, or maybe I do, and my desire to give/try is fading, but either way hopefully moving back will quickly shed light if this is going anywhere or not. But def not holding my breath for any miracles 

e. The thanksgiving beach house with the fam bam was pretty nice. Some moments and people tested my patience and faith in humanity lol, but overall it was a pretty nice week. Also very much looking forward to the two trips I have coming up to Austin and Peru! Which speaking of, let me get back to planning!

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