It's My Life, its Now or Never!

Sometime ago I wrote about expectations serving as limitations. I ended my blog post by saying maybe its easier to do what people expect us to do because we don't know what to expect of ourselves. How strange that my own words would perfectly sum up my journey these past six months?

I have spent my life being guided by my parents, family, friends, deans, guidance counselors... and the list goes on. Through their help and support I have been able to accomplish all that I have so far. And though I am forever grateful for all the knowledge and support that they endowed on me, I cannot help but feel I lost myself be becoming dependent on their guidance. In essence, sometimes it is easier to let someone else do all the thinking, planning, and worrying for you. You know they have your best interest at heart, so you just do what they say. But i have learned this type of blind faith just doesn't work. As dramatic as it sounds, you have to stop and listen to yourself, because only you know you. I got lazy with my life, I really did. It became too easy to do what others thought best, and too hard to fight for what i knew was best. I tried to fool myself and it backfired. You can fool yourself for some time, but the deception never stays hidden for long. And if God is kind he will point out this deception sooner than later. God was kind with me, it took a semester in Miami and a short debacle with AUA to send me the message, but I finally got it loud and clear. Listen to yourself and do what feels right. You live your life once... you better do it your way, or no way.

In all honesty, the past six months have been an emotional roller coaster. I have felt anger, disappointment, relief, confusion, love, gratitude, just a plethora of emotions. And frankly speaking even though a lot of shitty things have been happening with me, and my extended family i am grateful they happened. Because I have learned from every experience. I needed to fail, I needed to be away from home, I needed to not be able to go to AUA... all those things and more had to happen for me to reach the emotional state I am in now. I feel calm, and at peace. And I have been feeling this way since the new year. I have vowed to listen to myself, to think with my brain and my heart. I applied to jobs, applied to nursing school just in case I want to pursue that next year, and things have been going really well! I received a job offer this monday as a Cognition Therapist working at Universal Institute in Livingston. I am going to try my best to volunteer somewhere atleast once a month. I am going to do my best to travel as much as I can. I am basically going to do whatever I feel is best. Because thats the only way to success. I may make mistakes, I may fail, I may lose my way... but the road and the journey is all my own. As J.K. Rowling aptly stated, " It is our choices... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." If I don't make my own choices, I fail to define myself. God has blessed me with a wonderful group of family and friends, he has blessed me and my loved ones with prosperity and good health. He has given me every tool possible to make the most of my life, I would fail God and myself if I did not make the most of this life. So on that note... carpe diem my friend! The day is forever young!

Endless love,
Nandita

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